I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize