Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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