you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
