He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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