I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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