Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
