apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
