I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This baby is an asshole
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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