for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
