well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
