The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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