you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
