Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A+ Viking dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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