I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
