I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
