i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
