omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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