Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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