I have demons in me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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