Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
