he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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