I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
