Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
