Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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