Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
