My liver just broke up with me...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were destined to go to rehab together
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
