Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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