Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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