he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
