nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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