his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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