so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
