Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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