The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
