i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
