I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
