Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Damn victory sex feels great
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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