yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
