If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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