we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
