matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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