fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
