The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
love makes seman taste better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
