I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
