Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
