the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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