We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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