i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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