I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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