she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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