Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
