Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize