got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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