the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
