i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
