I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
