I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
