i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
