with your own penis?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
