Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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