He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
