im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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