I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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