i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
